AtR#2 – ‘I’m in love with a Spud – what do I do?’

Hello again everyone. It’s been a jolly busy week, hasn’t it? I’ve been so tied up with preparations for the Harvest festival, I hardly know what day it is! The Church grounds are looking so lovely now, thanks to lots of hard-working parishioners (you know who you are).

Anyway, I received a very touching letter from a young lady named Helen – but we’ll call her Sandra, as she tells me she’d rather remain anonymous. She says:

I hope you can help me. I’ve recently met a young man called Aaron at work. He was transferred to us from another location. I’ve got to know him quite well over the last few weeks, and everytime I talk to him he makes me feel as though I’m the only woman in the whole world. He’s so gentle and kind, and when he smiles the light shines radiantly from his face. And his gold tooth. The other day I saw a photo of Jermain Defoe on his desk. I’m really worried now as my Dad’s a massive Gooner and I don’t think he’ll accept Aaron.

Well Sharon, perhaps you shouldn’t be too worried. The world is an awfully big place, and I sometimes feel there’s not nearly enough love in it for everyone. It’s a wonderful moment when two young people are able to come together with hopes of a bright future. So I would suggest you talk to your father about it. I’m sure he wants you to be happy, and wants only what is best for you. He may be a lot more understanding than you expect.

On the other hand, it’s more likely that he’ll tell you to leave the knuckle-dragging pond life alone, and he would be right. Let’s face it, Sandra: he’s a brainless chav. You get to go home every day but your boyfriend’s not getting out for at least three years even with good behaviour. So stop fucking fraternising with Spud inmates.

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